Lifestyle- We all get angry, and that is alright. But when the partners get on each other’s nerves, lose patience, scream nasty comments and say hurtful things to each other, it is not alright.
Anger can be a powerful emotion when channeled the right way. Otherwise, it could be detrimental to the relationship and leave it in the doldrums. Whether you are the angry husband/ wife or the one bearing the brunt of your partner’s anger.
1. Never face anger with anger: Getting angry with an already angry spouse will only fuel their temperament and make things worse. As the saying goes, ‘An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.’ So, instead of ‘giving it back to your husband’, try to stay calm and give them time to calm down.
We know it is easier said than done. Your spouse’s angry words could be provoking, but try not to lose it. Count to ten or take deep breaths to calm yourself. If you can practice this for a month, you will be amazed by the changes it can bring in your spouse’s behavior.
2. Set clear boundaries: To stay calm when your spouse is angry doesn’t mean you tolerate anything and everything. Set clear boundaries as to what you can tolerate, and let them know calmly whenever they are crossing boundaries. For example, when your spouse resorts to name-calling, then tell them in a calm voice that this is not acceptable. Setting boundaries is an effective way to keep your spouse’s anger in check. When they realize their mistake, chances are they will not repeat it.
3. Choose on what to fight: An aggressive spouse will always look for an opportunity to get angry with you. The smart thing to do is not give them that chance. This doesn’t mean you agree to whatever they say, but pick your battles wisely. There are a few things where you can easily compromise, and a few you cannot. Discuss those non-negotiable issues and don’t dwell on every silly thing.
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4. Never tolerate disrespect: No matter how much you endure your spouse’s aggressive behavior, never tolerate disrespect. If you start tolerating this, then you are indirectly telling your spouse that they can get away with anything. Always take a stand if you feel that your partner is disrespecting you and let them know it is not okay. Use words like ‘this is not acceptable,’ or ’we can resume our discussion after you calm down’ and leave the room.
5. Find out the real reason: If you feel that your spouse’s anger is due to pressure at work or some other reason, then try to get them to talk about it. Listening to their issues without judging them lets them know that you are there for them and they can trust you. If necessary, you can try and convince them to seek professional help on how to manage their anger better.
6. Focus on the good things: Your partner might get angry often, but they may also be loving and caring. Invest in those positive emotions, and try to nurture them. Pretty soon, you will start seeing them from a place of love and not hatred. Your spouse might have uncontrollable anger, but once they cool down if they apologize, then forgive them.
7. Know when to leave: Unfortunately, you cannot always work things out with someone who is always angry. No matter how hard you try, their aggression may not seem to subside; it could even turn into physical abuse. If your spouse doesn’t see their aggression as an issue and refuses to seek help, then it is not on you to suffer. Walk away from things you cannot change.