LIFESTYLE- Do you find yourself constantly trying to control what your partner does? How they do it? When they’re doing it? Do you get upset or angry if things are not done specifically how you want them done?
Is this behavior undermining or destroying your relationships with other people? Do you want to change this behavior and grow as a person?
You’re not alone.
A person who is controlling may find it difficult to maintain friendships and relationships because people generally don’t want to be micromanaged. It feels stressful, oppressive, and approaches the line of abusive behavior that no one should have to put up with.
1. Consider the way you are communicating with others.
The way we communicate drastically colors the perception of the message being delivered.
A person who is curt, direct, and unyielding is going to be perceived as controlling, whether they are or not.
That doesn’t mean that there isn’t a time and a place for such a delivery, because there certainly is.
But if that’s your primary method of communication, the people around you will come to resent you for it.
A better approach is to simply include more polite language, like please and thank you.
3. Be sure that everyone has appropriate time and space.
A relationship or friendship can start to feel oppressive if people don’t have enough space to move and breathe.
Everyone needs time to themselves to recharge their batteries, even the most extroverted of people.
In a relationship, you should be functioning as a team. Ideally, you should be lifting one another up and creating a formidable partnership to take on life.
4. Manage your stress in healthy ways.
Controlling behavior often comes down to anxiety. Anxiety often comes from poorly handled stress.
So, if anxiety is fueling your controlling behavior, you can alleviate it by working on your stress management skills.
Poorly handled stress tends to be messy and bleeds over into other areas of your life.
5. Address any insecurities that might be contributing.
Insecurity contributes to controlling behavior because it causes us to not value ourselves the way we should and question the intentions of others.
Do you find yourself wondering who your partner is talking to? Who is messaging them? What they are doing when they are not around?
These behaviors point to the kind of insecurity that facilitates controlling behavior.
6. Open yourself to new experiences and changes.
The greatest gift you can give yourself is to be open to new experiences and change.
Controlling behavior is sometimes about trying to maintain a status quo. The problem is that the status quo may not be something worth hanging onto. Sometimes things aren’t as good as they should be.
The way to improve them is to accept that sometimes things need to change, which can also help you manage stress and grow as a person.
7. Appreciate the differences between you and your partner.
You are not your partner. Your partner is not you.
They aren’t going to look at life through your eyes. They will have their own thoughts, opinions, preferences, and beliefs about life and how it should be conducted. When you learn to accept and celebrate these differences, you can start to better understand and appreciate what you both bring to the relationship.
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